May 29, 2010

May 29, 2010
Tonight is the first night without Andrea here in the Czech Republic with me. As the day is going I am hoping this will be the worst. I sit here in my silent apartment and I wish she would just call. Just so I could hear her voice. She wouldn’t have to tell me she loves me or wish a good night, which always makes me sleep soundly. She could tell me how bad her kids were that day or she could even let out tears about how much she misses home. I would listen most attentively; you never notice how much you miss something till it is gone. I know these 28 days are going to hard, but hopefully it will get easier.

The sun is still about two hours away from setting, but I had to write. If I didn’t, I think I would break down in tears and this release of my emotions is helpful. I didn't cry when she said goodbye to me at the airport this morning, I should have. I should have shared the tears she shed, but I didn’t and I cannot give a reason why. I cannot even make excuses, like I was in a hurry to catch the bus or I wanted to be the “man” in the situation. I really am at a loss why I didn’t cry. But, at this very moment I would cry into phone for her if she would just give me a single word, any word.

I write this not because I want her to worry about me because I know she will no matter what I write. I do not wish to increase her worries in anyway. I write it to let her know how much she means to me, she means everything to me. And a single word from her right now, at this very moment, would lighten my day and even that is an understatement.

To think for more than four years these Saturdays have been the times when we have spend the most time together. Most of the time doing nothing more than lying around watching a movie, nothing that seems special, but for me it has been those seemingly insignificant moments which have made my life undeniably, inconceivably, much more worth living than it could have ever been before her. I want to share a little advice with everyone, I know this will sound sappy, however, I must impart this knowledge I have learned, if you can ever find someone you can do nothing more than sit in front of a rented movie with a bag of popcorn, butter and salted of course, and feel perfectly content with your life do not let them go. Hold on to them as if they were the world.

So, I had to write that just to get it out, to try and ease some of the self-pity I was feeling. Maybe I wrote it to show her how much I will truly care for her, miss her, and will continue to miss her. Maybe I wrote it to do nothing more than to satisfy myself because I am not proud of the poor excuse of a job I did of letting her know what she means at the airport this morning.

Nevertheless, Andrea knows me and despite my ramblings of above she knows I will be alright and that although the day we see each other again in New York cannot come soon enough I will be over here in the Czech Republic trying my hardest to not miss her too much and trying to enjoy myself as well.

Which brings me to the events of today, I know this may be boring, the in and outs of one person living in a town of less than 10,000 people, but I don’t care; stop reading if you’re not interested. I don’t want to sound rude, but this is for Andrea and those who may enjoy reading about my life no matter how uninteresting it may be.

So, Andrea, when I rushed away from you at the airport this morning it did end up having a reason. I jogged lightly from the bus to the metro then to the other and I arrived at the station probably about two minutes before the bus to Novy Bydzov arrived. I think if I would have missed one of those connections I would have been forced to sit at that awful bus station for an hour. Anyway, I made it to my bus and back to my city safely. I guess that is obvious because I am writing this.

Andrea, you would have got a kick out of this street ball tournament I had told you about. I think every athletic and even some non-athletic 13-25 year man from my city and all surrounding cities were there. As I walked past the courts at around 10 the techno music was blaring and it didn’t stop till about 4 in the afternoon. I got myself a nice farmer’s tan, the sun was out all day, and even my balding head is a nice tomato red shade. And I was even lucky enough to be standing in the right spot at the right time and one of kids I play basketball with every once in awhile, who speaks no English, so I don’t exactly know how he did it, asked me to be on his team. It wasn’t the best of teams, but I had fun and I got to play basketball for the rest of the morning and into the afternoon. The team I joined had already played a couple games when I joined them. I think they may have kicked someone off their team so I could join, I feel bad about that if that was the case. I didn’t play very well myself, our team finished in eighth place, I couldn’t tell you out of how many, but I had a fun time and that is the most important part, right? (Fun, besides when during the last game one of the guys from the opposing team tried to save the ball from going out of bounds and unintentionally threw the ball right off my nose, I thought it was broken at first, it was painful, I was just waiting for the blood to just come pouring out, but it didn’t and I’m fine now, no pain whatsoever.)

After basketball was groceries, I know, boring, but Andrea you will appreciate this. I had everything planned to make soup, made a list and all, I was filling up my grocery cart at the Penny Market, had my rolls in their bag, chicken picked out, it was even on sale, and of course, no mushrooms. I had to take the bag of rolls and all the other stuff and put it back just because the Penny Market doesn’t know how to stay stocked up on either mushrooms or broccoli, it seems there always out of one or the other. So, it was grilled cheese and fries tonight, tomorrow night too.

I came back to the apartment, put the groceries away, and headed up to the Matrix for a little internet. I can’t believe the Tiger’s just cannot beat a West coast team, they aren’t even good teams. Anyway, I, also, had a long talk with my brother over Skype. We always have good conversations, which is good in this particular case because there has been a misunderstanding about my arrival in New York for the past week or so and I think my brother has been really upset about it. He has been trying to get in touch with me for over a week. Everything was settled and everything will be fine. I believe I will have the warm, loving reception back in the states I have been hoping for. I bet there aren’t too many brothers who can say that they are able to work things out simply by speaking to one another. It funny to me, I hear of all these siblings who fight amongst themselves and grow to despise one another, but me and my brother I believe would do anything for one another.

Your Mom kept messaging, thinking you were on the internet in the airplane. So, I had to let her know it was just me. (“Kept messaging,” I made it sound as though she was excessively writing things on Skype, she didn’t, and after she wrote two messages I responded and let her know it was just me talking with my brother.)

Well, anyway that was the excitement for the day. I am back at my silent apartment and it is only about six in the evening, but I have a plan. I am going to watch the movie, “Things We Lost in the Fire.” I figure if I throw in movie far more sad than my current predicament then maybe, just maybe, I will feel better about the fact that the sun is probably following you across the sky right now while it is fading on me as I do nothing more than pine over hearing your voice. We’ll talk tomorrow, though, and I will be alright, you will be alright, we’ll be alright. And in twenty-eight days we will be back in each other’s arms as it is meant to be.